Deadlines and Nincompoop

Today, I decided to again procrastinate and do work slowly, and like most deadlines, I usually wait until the last minute, then panic, then wait some more.  The more I wait, the more peace-like I am...like that moment when a meteor never comes.

However, I decided that Mondays aren't the worst days in the world, because they are just days in which we finally realize how screwed we are for the rest of the week.  It's never...oh here's Monday, the due date...the day we suffer.  No, its more like "NOOOOO, MONDAY, I HAVE RESPONSIBILITIES...WHY???".  AT LEAST THAT IS ME, IN CAPS LOCK TRYING TO EXCLAIM HOW AFRAID I AM OF MONDAYS...BECAUSE MONDAYS ARE THE HORRIBLE OMEN THAT I HAVE TO REALIZE THAT I HAVE TO BE AN ADULT RATHER THAN A SMALL CHILD....and i like being a small child because i can nap when i can.

With parents, friends, peers, relatives, constituents, professors, graduate students, mortal enemies, and feared websites, all telling me that the deadlines are coming up and "the time to fuck around and not drink has arrived" makes me want to fuck around and drink some more.  I have one bottle of whiskey, a six pack of one of my now-favorite-because-it's-there beer, 2 eggs, 2 bell-peppers, potatoes, and hope all ready to be swallowed in some way shape or form, I am now un-prepared and un-ready to make the next step which is getting the hell out of here.

However, throughout all these petty whines and bitch-ness I am providing myself before the end-of-times, I know that I must triumph...with my potatoes, my beer, my eggs, my whiskey, and my beer...and spatula (OH SO HOLY SPATULA), it will happen.

With my critical hour, I usually imagine myself as a kind of warrior, a warlock in control of a few things, but whose speciality is controlling a weapon, the pen.  Now, this pen is special because it can be turned into any weapon of my choosing, and usually there is a menacing villain that I must fight.  Now, for this episode, that villain is the mirror, my doppelgänger...myself...God...it's going to be a tough battle.

As the wise words of Leroy once said..."LET'S DO THIS, LEEEEEERRRRROOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYY JEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNKINNNNNNSSSS"...and I won't back down from the charge.

Hoo-rah.