Taco Bell and Philosophy

Today as I was minding my own business in the prison that is my academic career and the shackels that is the building I work in, I found two Taco Bell hot sauces on my desk.  One said "If you never do, you'll never know" and the other said "I'm up for it if you are"...Who in god's name decided that I should be lectured by TACO BELL SAUCES...WHY ARE TACO BELL SAUCES SO PHILOSOPHICAL?? WHY AM I BEING LECTURED BY THEM....okay...I'll stop...BUT SERIOUSLY, WHY??  I don't need YOU. YOU DON'T KNOW ME...I know me, I think, I am.  WUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT....Anyways, don't take any from hot sauces...even if they are "fire"...

Deadlines and Nincompoop

Today, I decided to again procrastinate and do work slowly, and like most deadlines, I usually wait until the last minute, then panic, then wait some more.  The more I wait, the more peace-like I am...like that moment when a meteor never comes.

However, I decided that Mondays aren't the worst days in the world, because they are just days in which we finally realize how screwed we are for the rest of the week.  It's never...oh here's Monday, the due date...the day we suffer.  No, its more like "NOOOOO, MONDAY, I HAVE RESPONSIBILITIES...WHY???".  AT LEAST THAT IS ME, IN CAPS LOCK TRYING TO EXCLAIM HOW AFRAID I AM OF MONDAYS...BECAUSE MONDAYS ARE THE HORRIBLE OMEN THAT I HAVE TO REALIZE THAT I HAVE TO BE AN ADULT RATHER THAN A SMALL CHILD....and i like being a small child because i can nap when i can.

With parents, friends, peers, relatives, constituents, professors, graduate students, mortal enemies, and feared websites, all telling me that the deadlines are coming up and "the time to fuck around and not drink has arrived" makes me want to fuck around and drink some more.  I have one bottle of whiskey, a six pack of one of my now-favorite-because-it's-there beer, 2 eggs, 2 bell-peppers, potatoes, and hope all ready to be swallowed in some way shape or form, I am now un-prepared and un-ready to make the next step which is getting the hell out of here.

However, throughout all these petty whines and bitch-ness I am providing myself before the end-of-times, I know that I must triumph...with my potatoes, my beer, my eggs, my whiskey, and my beer...and spatula (OH SO HOLY SPATULA), it will happen.

With my critical hour, I usually imagine myself as a kind of warrior, a warlock in control of a few things, but whose speciality is controlling a weapon, the pen.  Now, this pen is special because it can be turned into any weapon of my choosing, and usually there is a menacing villain that I must fight.  Now, for this episode, that villain is the mirror, my doppelgänger...myself...God...it's going to be a tough battle.

As the wise words of Leroy once said..."LET'S DO THIS, LEEEEEERRRRROOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYY JEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNKINNNNNNSSSS"...and I won't back down from the charge.

Hoo-rah.

Lost in Time

After the final episode of Avatar: The Legend of Korra was aired, I was at a loss when the idea came up on the idea of ancestry and what it means to rise up as an individual.  It comes with the complicated premise that not only must someone cut all ties from the past, but from that must grow into a new individual that further extends from that past.

This notion is extremely tough to me because it hurts my heart to see things go, to see what was crumble in front of me.  The people of the past, the lives that sacrificed themselves in order for someone like me to extend myself further, are lost forever.

When I think of past knowledge, friends, family, just disappearing forever in a void of nothingness, it brings fear to my heart.  However, I know that at the same time there is peace...in nothingness.  The void that exists constantly is not a thing that needs to be filled, but rather a universe waiting to be sprung from, a template in which future possibility may stem from.

The scene that hit hardest was when you see the past lives disappearing...the knowledge of their history is gone.  Their lives, hardships, teachings, beliefs, lies, treacheries, loves, and wants are all gone...
In many ways, it humbles one.

It reminds me of the pale blue dot...

Hello again, It has been awhile...

Figuring out how to indefinitely pass time is the skill I have developed as an engineer.  I guess in order to describe how I got here, as an engineer, one must know who I am slightly.  In the same sense, one does not need the entire face to see an eye.  The story starts with, of course, a woman.  I won't say who the woman is, but my slight movement down the rabbit hole came with the temptation of taking the red pill rather than a daring bravery to see where the rabbit hole goes.

Fun fact, it went nowhere, just like my love life as en engineer, failed writer, and domed Jedi.  Life just happens.  People move on.  Life decides to do what it wants.   She is now happy with another guy, and I am here twiddling my thumbs writing, hoping that someone may see this like a message in a bottle riding in open sea.

Hilariously, it's more like tossing the bottle in sand, waiting for someone to pass by.

Anyways, though I love writing this, I just seem my thoughts at the moment are scattered, floating like dust in the air, randomly walking.  Thoughts range from women, music, inspiration, battle cries, college apps, family, my friends, and debating on whether I have a chance at life.  I guess that debate is something that people deal with all the time.

One's heart beats constantly, if I lived my life by my heart, I'd be insane.  I'm already insane...
I question why that life is there, but my heart beats one, and I move on, doing what I must do....
I'm insane...
I'm an engineer...
I'm a healer...
I'm back...
Good night folks